happy thanksgiving!!!

                 i am thankful for

my family:  despite the changes in the past year and the many hundred miles that now define my family, it has drawn us closer and made us realize how important we are to one another. 

dumdum:  i don't even know where to start.  what i will say is that europe is going to be fabulous. i can also pretty much guarantee that when we return to america, we will no longer be friends.  that said, i'll see you in a month.

my QU gang:  none of you read this, but i'm still thankful to you guys.  we've had such a scrapbook of memories--some fabulous, some sorrowful, some aboslutely craaaaazzzy, some a huge blur--but all unforgettable.  none of you wanted me to leave QU and begin life anew on the other side of the country, but you also knew this was the best road i could possibly take.  now, a year later, we are all still close.  We've all made new memories separate from one another, but the memories we have will stay with us forever. 

my FRKrew:  we have known one another since elementary school--we've really been through a load-- unicorn clubs, ninja turtle games, swapmeets at church (remember that fake money??), boys, boys, boys, and the ups and downs of our spirituality.  through it all, y'll have been my girls and i am thankful for our friendships.

sd playmates: although the memories we have are quite different than the ones with my QU gang, these memories are just as solid.  san diego would not be the same without you guys...God knows it would be a hella lot more boring!!  p.s. friday's will never be the same again. 

what are you all thankful for???

                                                besides the fact that i finally updated?? haha

 People are constantly asking me why i rarely update. They're always telling me, "We're all members.  Don't be afraid. We're all here for each other, to help each other get through sufferings, to pray together."  Regardless, i've always been hesitant on sharing anything too personal on my xanga.  Some of it is because I don't want random people to know about my problems. Some of it comes from me being extremely stubborn and thus too proud to ask for help from other people, especially online. But mostly the reason why i don't like to share stems from my memories of high school, how some friends i thought i could share my problems with turned it instead into feed for the rumor mill and created discord among church members. 

i know it's wrong of me to blame it entirely on them--after all, i shouldn't have confided in her in the first place.  i also know it's wrong of me to place that hurt and anger i feel towards them upon the whole TJC youths.  Yet for the past few years, i have. I walked away from it all, and i've stayed distant. 

Lately however, my feelings have been changing.  Maybe it's the slew of post-NYTS reflection blogs i keep reading in my daily subscriptions.  maybe it's because i'm not at the same church i used to be at.  maybe it's because i'm definitely not the same person i was a few years ago.  maybe it's because we all just grew up.  i don't know what the reasons are, but i know i feel myself wanting to believe again, wanting to rekindle the closeknit relationships God has created in our hearts.  

 i know i've turned my back on most of you for a long time and deserve nothing but the same from you, but i could really use some spiritual help. i'm not saying i want to be everyone's best friend or talk about my problems for the world to know, because i most certainly don't.  I just want to be a part of that "family" again....i only wonder if it's too late, if it is all become mere wishful thinking now.

in Arizona for a few days visiting the parents and trying to clear my head

Have you ever felt like there was just so much stuff going on in your life, so much "drama", so much gldnsdcvla hedoaed that you just can't deal with it?  You want to be able to process it all, think it all through, and come up with practical and realistic solutions. But you just can't.  Your brain has just shut down.  Your heart is just too confused, too fed up.  All you want is to escape from yourself, shut off your feelings, your thoughts, just everything.  Is there any remedy?  Or are you just meant to suffer through it?

The summer is coming to a close, and what a busy summer it has been indeed!  I've had to pick up my slack and diligently study for my two classes, but the hard work has paid off and my GPA will thank me greatly at the beginning of the fall semester.  I've also had to work many, many hours at my workplace but it's well worth it at the end of the night.  I'm lucky to be working with great girls, having an understanding boss, and being in an environment that I can work and still have fun. 

Despite all this, I've had a fantabulous summer.  I've been able to spend my free time with people I've the luck of calling my friends.  We don't usually do much and end up just having movie nights, but it's the fact we are together that mean so much to me.  I've grown closer to a bunch of them in the past two months (pulling over on the side of College Avenue, Jane, is always a happy memory) 

I'm officially a senior now, and I'll be one for quite some time.  While I don't regret transferring, I do wish that somehow there would be a way of catching up that lost year.  There is, however, a reason for everything and I know that in time, I will understand God's work and the essence of waiting for His timing.  It's hard though, especially when I'll be seeing my friends graduating and start their lives in the "real" world.  If anything, this will give me motivation to be better, to work hard, and focus on what's truly important.

I hope all of your summers were semi-fulfilling, halfway productive and of course full of fun and laughter =)